Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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