Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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