Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
