It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
