I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
