just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
