I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
