he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
