How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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