cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
