I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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