Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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