You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
