Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
