I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
