sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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