It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
