I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
