carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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