the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
