Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
