their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
