please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
