I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
