Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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