No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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