I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
