i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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