I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
