Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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