how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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