Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
