Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
