after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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