So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
