Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
