i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
