Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
