I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
