I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
