i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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