are you so shy because you have an std?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
