college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
