the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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