i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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