pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Even my vagina gasped.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
