Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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