You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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