Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
