im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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